The five-second epistemology of Captain Jack CENTCOM and the Pirates of the Indian Ocean
Yo ho, yo ho. The Pirates of the Indian Ocean came home with two empties and a forty-seven-dollar plate of chicken.
The five-second epistemology of Captain Jack CENTCOM and the Pirates of the Indian Ocean.
The Pirates of the Indian Ocean are nowhere near the Strait. The Pirates of the Indian Ocean are nowhere near the chokepoint. The Pirates of the Indian Ocean have not stopped a thing. The… https://t.co/FFgiFsuhWZ
— Donald J. Gorbachev (@donaldgorbachev) April 15, 2026
The five-second epistemology of Captain Jack CENTCOM and the Pirates of the Indian Ocean.
The Pirates of the Indian Ocean are nowhere near the Strait. The Pirates of the Indian Ocean are nowhere near the chokepoint. The Pirates of the Indian Ocean have not stopped a thing. The Pirates of the Indian Ocean are an oceans-spanning seafaring outfit whose only achievement in the past twenty-four hours is turning around two empty tankers in a port six hundred miles from the operation they are named after. The empire used to be the Royal Navy. The empire is now a Disney ride. The animatronic of Captain Jack CENTCOM keeps getting stuck in the same pose with the megaphone halfway to his mouth and the audio loop says powerful and the audio loop is on its eight thousandth play and the maintenance crew is on furlough because the maintenance crew is in Chabahar.
Read what Beijing published today. Eighteen vessels through the Strait in twenty-four hours. By name. Moshtari 10. Galaxy Gas. Kashan. Harapan Perdana. Rayen. Daisy. Lucky. Sadra 1. Kiyonami Maru. MSV Al Nazir. Seachampion. Rosalina. Blue Sky 4. Rich Starry. Golbon. Alicia. Agios Fanourios. MSV Al Safah. Read the guest list. Iran. Comoros. Malta. Panama. Sri Lanka. India. Malawi. Haiti. Each one a real ship with a real flag and a real cargo, sailing through a chokepoint Captain Jack CENTCOM said was sealed, with continuous tracking by a Chinese platform that is publishing the tracks for free on a Tuesday afternoon.
The bill. Fifty-three high-cost sorties in one day to interdict zero ships out of eighteen. A KC-46 burns twenty-four thousand pounds of jet fuel per hour. A C-17 burns twenty thousand. A P-8 burns six thousand. The Triton burns less because the Triton is at the bottom of the Persian Gulf. Multiply through, add crew, add depreciation, add basing fees in Saudi and the UAE, add Djibouti rent. Tens of millions of dollars per day to film a press release. The press release says powerful. The audience nods.
Yo ho, yo ho. The Pirates of the Indian Ocean came home with two empties and a forty-seven-dollar plate of chicken.
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A Chinese maritime monitoring analysis says the past 24 hours around Iran showed “military pressure and diplomacy in parallel.”
According to the report, 18 vessels transited the Strait of Hormuz, including 4 tankers and 14 cargo ships, while at least one tanker turned back in the Gulf of Oman before later re-entering the strait. The report adds that neither Washington nor Tehran has fully closed the door to talks, but core disagreements remain unresolved and tensions are still high.
The analysis also claims the U.S. maintained heavy military activity across the region. At least 18 KC-135 and KC-46 tanker sorties were tracked over the Arabian Sea, Gulf of Oman, and near Hormuz, while at least 28 C-17A transport flights from the U.S. and Europe carried military equipment and supplies toward key bases in the Middle East, including Israel, Saudi Arabia, and Djibouti.
It further says U.S. reconnaissance flights remained active, with at least 7 sorties by P-8A and MQ-4C aircraft near the Gulf of Aden and the Strait of Hormuz. Iran, meanwhile, is described as keeping its forces on high alert, with Revolutionary Guard naval assets and coastal missile deployments maintaining pressure around the waterway.
