The point of no return

By Nico Cost for GlobalSouth.co

Everyone knows it, that little white lie that grows into a huge conflict. Your friend asked where you were and you made up an excuse on the spot as to why you couldn’t be at his party. The following days became awkward, because in the group of friends some of them knew you were at another party. Now you had to try to include them in your little lie, but in doing so you had to lie even more and also get those others more and more into keeping quiet and twisting the truth. At some point your friend starts suspecting that something is not right and starts asking questions. More lies follow and the story becomes top-heavy. You start avoiding your friend because the atmosphere is no longer pleasant. Then you begin to wonder how this could get so out of hand. Yes, with that little lie. If only you had admitted it right then. If only you had been honest. Now it’s too late. You don’t want to lose face in the group of friends and so you continue on your way. The point where there was a return is already too far behind you. Nothing you can do about it, but it will never be like it was.

This scenario unfolds millions of times every day in our world. We think there is no turning back and feel compelled to continue on the same path. On the one hand, this is true, for it is not just loss of face that we suffer when we admit we have been wrong. Certainly the more advanced we are in the lies, the more serious are the consequences. We may lose not only that one friend, but lose the whole group of friends. Everyone will come up with recriminations and who knows where it will all lead. When this happens at work, you may even lose your job. In fact, you will be listed as a liar and then your whole career could be over. Especially in this day and age where you will be cancelled if you don’t conform to the mores of the group. No, then just continue to lie and hope it won’t get out of hand.

At some point you yourself no longer know exactly what is now a lie and what is true. This is because you have come to believe large parts of the lies yourself. You have had to repeat those lies so often and always make them believable that they have become true for you as well. At first you do make an effort to disguise things, but eventually even a lie detector can no longer detect anything. This comes in handy, because a nagging conscience is just a tricky thing. Fortunately, you are helped well in and by the group, because everyone benefits from continuing on the same path. Everyone stays alert, though, because dissidents are mercilessly punished and ostracized. By now you are caught in a web of lies, but you have learned to deal with it. It has become a habit. It has become normal. And after all, it pays off. That’s how you’ve come to think. And the uncomfortable truth you have lied even to yourself. It no longer exists.

The point of no return is far behind you. There is no turning back. Not anymore. There is no more choice, because it is now a choice between life and death. That sounds dramatic, but it is. Not necessarily literally, but figuratively at least. It’s all or nothing. That little lie it started with has grown into a giant monster. If you remember, because chances are the whole occasion has sunk into the morass of your stories. You have also changed yourself, as a person, because this experience has taught you how to lie better without getting into trouble. It comes easier to you. It also bothers you less and less yourself. On the one hand, because you think you are not lying and, on the other hand, because you think no one will notice. The latter, of course, is not true. Your friends know, but say nothing because they lie along just as hard. Your surroundings know, but you don’t listen to them anyway. There is plenty to argue with and your friends help you so that your surroundings don’t bother you.

We have all had such an experience, either lived it ourselves or observed it closely. It is good to dwell on this because it teaches us, first, not to lie and, second, to stay ahead of the point of no return. Not waiting too long to confess and turn things back is the advice. Even if you think it has already gone too far, chances are very good that it is not too late and you are much better off not continuing on the path of lies. But of course I’m not just talking about you and me here, this is about the politicians, the journalists, the scientists, the judges, the police officers, the directors, the analysts and so on. All people who can and do get caught up in the web en masse. We see that they have gone far beyond the point of no return. They simply no longer have a choice. It happens in small ways, it happens in big ways. It happens to friends, it happens to world leaders. The higher the person has climbed, the bigger the fall can be. He has no choice. That choice must be determined for him.