A few stories from my war

So I was there and then I was gone.  And then I came back with a vague mind, a painful space where there was a beloved, with the news that we had a body wide infection.  Where was I – that is not altogether clear to me yet.  A diagnosis was painfully missing and eventually they dumped me home, confused. A friend organized a nurse and I was like Klaus Scwhab floater person with nothing.  This was not all- It was as if I had experiended the Scwab state fully and completely, not to say competently.

You are in a new world.  You dont have jammies, you have hospital johnnies and the surrouding people are just thrilled to show off their nothingness by coming by in batches to supply more of the clean johnnies with smiling faces and nothing.  No thing in terms of good, but no thing in terms of any human touchpoint or feeling.  Were they hatched in the johnny change hatchery with one objective only, smile and change johnnies and make em clean.

In this city are smiles – lots – there are quick procedures lots, there is not welcome touch and friendliness going furher than trained in and proceduralized procedure.  This is what having nothing is about and in my feverish ranting, that is what I perceived and received and bathed in. It is nothing, but you have to be nice and have a smile.

I left for this environment before Gaza and knew nothing.  Yet sometime a phrase in the Johnnie phase came to me .. Mr Putin saying that Israel may defend itself.  It did not make my hospital johnny happy and I heard my teeth grinding saying Mr Putin how many times is it ok to defend youself, I’m coming to eat your guts for garters and slipped out of the Johhny coma, knowing very well to zip my lip.  An almighty sadness came over me!  Why did we not know? Why did we not see and anticipate?  We know that if all else fails they come to haircut the Gaza?  Why oh Why did I not correctly see the trend.

But what also happened was that then, they took me home.  I stole a Johnny – I think so I had something-  Even in debilitating fever one can make a small action of deeply felt protest, and then they let you go!.

There are complete churches built around these have nothing concepts.  Since being home I’ve been entertained by these operetta type services, with no god, just a sonorous pieces singing chanting the strangest cant and white cult.  There is nothing there, yet, they all know the rhythmic musical devilry..

forgive the spelling – my mind is still struggling to stitch that one together.